Chris: In your book, Super Parenting for ADD, you call love the essential strength in the most difficult and most important job in the world, raising a job. What was your inspiration to approach ADD from this perspective?

Ned: To me, it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and yet doctors don’t talk about it. We don’t use the word love. There’s absolutely no intervention that you could possibly describe that even approaches love in terms of its power and importance. I just wanted to put it front and center chapter one, and make sure that parents realize if they trust in that power of love, overtime – love doesn’t work overnight. It works over many years – but if they trust in that, they’ll absolutely get the best outcomes. Instead of all these various interventions that are all find, various kinds of interventions that we have, it’s important to keep in perspective but by far the most important one is love, and it’s particularly important for these kids with ADD, ADHD because they often get love. They often get nothing but reprimands. They often get nothing but consequences and punishments and reminders in the ways in which they’re deficient, disordered, disabled and defective. That over time absolutely crushes, and you get really negative outcomes. My first rule of parenting, and I say this to all parents, is enjoy your children. If you’re enjoying them, having fun with them, doing things that both of you like, you’re doing it right, and a lot of parents with these kids, they don’t enjoy them. The parents don’t enjoy them, and the kids don’t have fun with the parents, and they just spend their days in struggles. That is not good. You really need to revise your approach so that you allow for special time, so that you allow for fun time, so that you go on a search for the kid’s talents and interest and you promote them. Now, of course, I’m not saying you ignore the problem, not at all, but by far the best results you’ll get if whatever you do is done in a context of love and play and fun. It’s one thing to say love it good, and I don’t think anyone would argue with that, but then how does that translate into reality. It doesn’t just mean you hug and kiss your child all day, although hugging and kissing is wonderful. Part of love is setting limits. Part of love is saying no. Part of love is taking the time that it takes to set up a structure, a time that you get up, a routine for getting dressed in the morning. A lot of kids with ADD have the hardest time simply getting dressed. Their socks are all over the house. Their homework is strewn about. Brushing teeth, they get lost on the way to the bathroom. The simplest of instructions can be difficult to carry out. So, you need to set up structures and routines that allow for these things to happen without struggle. Again, that’s not easy. That takes work. That takes experimentation. It takes patience. You have to hold on to your sense of humor. So, this is what I mean by applying love that it’s not easy to do always. You really do need help. It’s very hard to do it alone. You need a team. If you’re a single parent, you know you create a team involving a teacher, a pediatrician, an uncle, a godparent, a coach, other neighbors. You want as a big a team as you can to help you create the structures and develop the kind of what I call connected atmosphere for this child to grow up sin. If you grow up in a positively connected atmosphere, you’re going to thrive, but if you don’t, it’s going to be very hard to thrive. A lot of kids with ADHD grow up very disconnected. They grow up with the kind of supervision, with the kind of friendships, without the inspirational relationships, the charismatic teacher or coach, the chance to shine somewhere. The grow up without these sorts of connections, and without that, it’s very difficult to flourish as you go on life.

Chris: You’ve had clients where you see this difference with love applied.

Ned: Oh, absolutely. In fact, all of my clients benefit from that, but it takes time. The people who only see me for a month or two to get diagnosed and started, they don’t fare as well as the ones who keep checking in over the years and allow me to sort of coach them in creating this kind of connected world. Now, that is not to say you have to keep seeing me for years. Some do a very good job of just taking my suggestions and implementing them, but certainly I can say that all of my best outcomes, all of the kids and adults for that matter who have done the best are the ones who really take this idea of love and connection very seriously and translate into practical reality. I have a whole kind of road map of what I mean by that connected childhood, and I talk about developing a host of different kinds of connections, whether it’s to your neighborhood or to school or to a pet or special places and activities, and all of that and more, spiritual connection, a connection to the past, to traditions. All of that is part of a connected childhood. You notice as I tick them off, they’re all free. That’s the beauty of this special force called connected. It’s free. It’s readily available in life. The supply is infinite, but you do have to tap into it. It just doesn’t happen automatically. You have to cultivate connection. It’s sort of like growing a garden. You have to cultivate it. You also have to weed it to get rid of the bad connections, and also be careful not to over plant it. Don’t make your child too busy. Don’t make your child too connected because then the growth gets choked out. It’s a matter of pruning, cultivating, weeding and then enjoying. Don’t try to smooth out the rough edges. Enjoy the rough edges. Celebrate them. Think of them as delightful, charming, idiosyncratic. You don’t want to turn this kid into just like everybody else. Sure, you need to teach him to be appropriate, not disruptive. You need to teach how not to offend other people because of lack of social graces and what not, but that’s a far cry from telling him to squelch and sit his real self. You want to help him learn how to be his real self, but in a way that others can enjoy rather than be upset by.

Chris: What are some tips for parents regarding raising kids with ADD?

Ned: I started with this connected childhood and love, and you want to pay attention to basic physical factors. Sleep, a lot of kids don’t get enough sleep, and if you don’t get enough sleep, you’re going to look like you have ADD whether you have it or not. Physical exercise – hugely important, my friend John Ready wrote a book called Start Revolutionary Science of Exercise in the Brain, and he documents that copious scientific evidence of how when you exercise, you essentially supply your brain with a bath of nutrients and other kinds of substances that promote growth and health. Everytime you exercise, it’s like better than medication. It’s tremendously positive. So, exercise, sleep proper nutrition matters a lot too. There’s good evidence that additives, sugar, junk food exacerbates ADD. So, you want to try to stick with whole foods if you can, and not too much sugar, and go low on junk food. I’m going to say taking Omega 3 fatty acids in the form of fish oil as a daily supplement. Meditation also can help a great deal. Prayer or meditation can be real helpful in kids with ADD, and these kids can learn to mediate. You want to create structure. You want to create routines and structures, strategies for remembering so things don’t get forgotten. You want to develop that as much as you can. I’m also a big fan of a special test to find your child’s cognitive style. That’s a whole topic that you need to get the book to read about. There’s a brilliant woman by the name of Kathy Kolby, who has developed a test where you can discover your child cognitive style and once you know that, you can coach your child using that information on how to manage school better. I think you’re going to wait a long time if you wait for schools to get enlightened. So, you’ve got to do the managing. The schools aren’t going to do it as much as you can do it if you take it seriously. Finally, there’s medication, and that’s the intervention that everybody has heard of, but very few people really understand. When medication is used properly, it’s very safe and very effective, but you need to go see a doctor who really knows what he’s doing or what she’s doing, really has experience in treating ADD. The goal is with medication you get target sense improvement, i.e., increased focus, with no side effects, no side effects. That’s very important. There are a lot of kids out there who are laboring with side effects, and they shouldn’t be. That’s mismanagement of the medication, so you want to make sure you see a doctor who knows how to provide that for you. People are afraid of medication, and they shouldn’t be. It makes no sense medically to defer a trial of medication while you try alternative treatments first. It’s almost like saying, “Why don’t you try a year of squinting before you try eye glasses?” The medication is so safe and so effective, and it makes all the other interventions so much easier to implement. It makes medical sense to try it right away. Now, if you’re afraid of it, then you shouldn’t try it. In fact, the only reason where I don’t say to people, “Well, let’s start it right away is people aren’t ready. They’re afraid.” You should never take a medication or any sort of medical intervention that you’re afraid of and don’t know the facts about. So, there’s a good deal of education that needs to take place before you start medication. I’m Chris Costello interviewing for Michael Senoff’s

Chris: Now, another thing you talk about is the mirror traits of ADD, stubbornness, you can look at that as persistence. What are some of those other traits?

Ned: The standard way of looking at ADD is so negative, but look at distractibility, sort of the hallmark symptom of ADD. What is that but a form of curiosity? You wouldn’t be distracted if you didn’t care, if you weren’t curious, and these kids are typically very curious, very eager to find out what’s going on. Well, that’s partially a good thing. Impulsivity, another one of the so-called negative symptoms, well, what is creativity but impulsivity gone right. You don’t plan to have a creative thought. You don’t plan to have a new idea. They happen spontaneously. They depend on some degree upon disinhibition, some degree of spontaneity and impulsive. So, what I do is say, “Look, sure there’s a down side, but there’s also an upside. Let’s take an advantage of that upside, not just squash it.”

Chris: Do you think Picasso was ADD?

Ned: I don’t know about Picasso, but many, many, many great artists are and many entrepreneurs and many CEOs, many Nobel Prize winners. People with ADD can achieve at the very highest levels. I have both ADD and dyslexia. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I’ve got a great life. I’ve written fifteen books, and I’ve got three wonderful children, and a wonderful wife. I love my work. There’s no reason that everybody with ADD can’t as I put it unwrap their gifts, develop their talents.

Chris: Now, was school challenging for you though.

Ned: No, it wasn’t. I was lucky that way. I excelled academically. I didn’t have the struggle that many kids with ADHD do have in schools, and those are the ones where you really need to reach because when they struggle, often times their self-esteem gets broken. That’s the disability, the loss of confidence and the development of fear. That’s what holds people back.

Chris: So, some more of those mirrored traits. Did you have a few more of those?

Ned: Sure, hyperactivity, another one of the symptoms. That’s high energy. Believe me, I’m 59 years old, I’m real glad I’m hyperactive. I’ve got extra energy. Virtually ever so called negative symptom, you can find a positive quality it. You mentioned stubbornness – well, persistence and spunkiness can come across as being disobedient or you have a conduct disorder. You’re oppositional. Again, you don’t want to promote people being oppositional, but spunkiness is great, not being pushed around and always bouncing back. That’s typical of ADD. You knock them down 99 times. They get up a hundred times, and they’re remarkable resilient spunky group.

Chris: Super Parenting for ADD, you also mentioned using something you called the cycle of excellence, a five step process to help your child develop self and social awareness. Can you tell us about that?

Ned: They really need to read the book to really get the full thrust of it, but it’s five steps that if you set up in a kid’s life, they’ll bring out the best in that child. It begins with connection of course, and that really is the starting point for everything good that we do. Then, you move into play. By play, I just mean use of the imagination. It doesn’t have to be games or what you do at resource. You find something you like to play at, and that’s the third step, practice, work. As you work and practice, you get better, and that’s the fourth step. That’s mastery, getting better, making progress. Then, as you do that, you gain recognition and that’s the fifth step, somebody notices the progress you’ve made. Those five steps, those continue to cycle on, they generate confidence, self-esteem, motivation, discipline, passion, all of the things that really do predict a great life.

Chris: We want to thank you so much Dr. Hallowell. Why don’t you go ahead and tell them your website?

Ned: My website is DrHallowell.com.